By Vasile Burlacu
Childhood can be complicated, many things are happening at the same time and you want, are asked, or are required to be part of them. There are lots of new emotions and feelings, changes, and people, school, parents, or peers are making demands on you. You have to be the best and fit it every moment, to be strong but be able to express emotions, but when you do you are getting laughed at, and feel vulnerable. So what do you do, how can you make sense of what is going on, how should you feel, what are those feelings and emotions? Society is a very confusing place to live in, sometimes it can make you feel that everything you do, you are doing it wrong.
Why not start by making your voice matter? Having a voice and being able to express what you feel is the most powerful tool a person can have. Having a voice does not mean only verbalising what you feel, you can have a voice in many more ways than you can think of because words present only 7% of a message. When you talk you also use your tone of voice and your body. Your body makes up 55% of the communication including facial expression, gestures, body posture and even changes in skin tone, for example when you feel embarrassed you blush, or when you are scared you might go pale. To make yourself heard you can also write and send a message, an emoji that can relate to how you feel. Another way of making a statement is through art, by creating something that represents how you feel.
To make yourself heard, you also need someone to listen, but who is there to listen and understand you?
Let’s start by looking around yourself:
- Is there anyone around that you trust or feel comfortable with?
- If anyone you can go to, call or text?
- When at school, do you know a member of staff who can offer you a safe space to talk?
- Do you know what services are available to support you? If not, why not ask your teacher?
If you don’t have anyone around to talk or you don’t feel ready to talk about how you feel, you can:
- Write what you are feeling on a piece of paper or your phone. Notice how it feels after you have done it. Keep the writing for yourself or why not share it with others?
- Find a quiet space for a few minutes and breathe when things become overwhelming.
- Think about the good parts of your life and things you enjoy and who you are enjoying them with.
- Get creative! Use things that you have around you and make something that expresses your feelings, then talk to someone about what it represents, and tell the story around it, your story. You don’t have to make it perfect, because it already is.
- Go outside and spend some time in nature, look around you, what do you notice, what do you smell, is it breezy, is it sunny? Take a deep breath hold it and then exhale. Notice how you’re feeling.
Finding a way to make yourself heard can be empowering, remember that you are enough and you are important, your voice matters and the people that are willing to listen are the people that will always be there for you no matter what. Sometimes people might not agree with you and that is okay, you are allowed to have a different opinion, they do not feel what you are feeling and the other way around. Accepting another point of view does not make you less valid. Use your voice to make statements, to show emotions, to be yourself and to make yourself matter.
You can also find immediate support by:
Texting P2B to 85258 to SHOUT
Calling 08001111 to speak to Childline.
Or online at: https://www.childline.org.uk
https://www.place2be.org.uk/help
Vasile Burlacu, Relationship and Family counsellor, Relate Bradford & Leeds
