Do you berate yourself for over-thinking? 

You’re not alone. There’s a bit of an over-thinking epidemic going on. A kind of epidemic…of thinking…that thinking…is a problem! 

I’ve lost count of the number of times I hear people worrying about this – not just in therapy, but in life in general. So I’m wondering if it’s time for a bit of ‘re-framing?’ 

  • If you can see that all the thinking you’re doing is an essential process, and see it a positive thing, then perhaps some of the anxiety about doing it might diminish. 
  • When you’re ‘fantasising’ about different scenarios and solutions for the thing you’re worrying about, and it feels like your mind is in over-drive… perhaps try telling yourself that it’s just your brain signalling that there’s a problem that needs solving, and you’re just working out how to solve it. 
  • Maybe try reminding yourself that it’s good, and perfectly natural to think, and it’s a key part of being human. Thinking is a mechanism that keeps us safe and has done for thousands of years – from prehistoric times to now. 
  • Be glad that you have the amazing capacity to think of all those different scenarios and solutions. 

The thinking only becomes a problem when you don’t do anything with all the options you’ve come up with; when you don’t have the confidence, or resources to choose or action the best option; or when you just keep all those worries to yourself. 

Talking about your worries and all those intrusive, repetitive, upsetting thoughts can be incredibly helpful. Remember the adage – a problem shared is a problem halved. And that other one – two heads are better than one. This is where talking therapy can help. 

Relate’s counsellors are trained in helping people explore and understand the things that are troubling them in their relationships, and in helping people find their best solutions. 

Contact us to find out more,, 01274 726096 or email at

Kaye, Clinical Supervisor

Relate Bradford & Leeds

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